Wow! It's been a long time since I've had a moment to sit down at my laptop and write to my heart's content. A little over two months ago, Aaron and I became parents for the first time. Yes, we're currently just foster parents, but parents nonetheless. Two amazing little boys have brought so much joy and fun to our lives, but they've also added countless new responsibilities and obligations. They've become priority, their needs come first, and making sure they have incredibly fun days has been our focus. With time as fleeting as it is, that doesn't leave a working wife and mom much time for herself. Sacrificing my own personal time just comes with the role. Still, it's a different type of rewarding knowing you're teaching a little human how to grow and survive in this world. Takes your breath away sometimes when you sit down and try to let that thought sink in. My whole life I've only wondered what this would be like, and now... Well, I know!
I'm not going to lie, it's much more difficult and tiring than I imagined... especially the foster care side of things. Things haven't been impossible or anything... There's just a lot of emotions and unanswered questions that will linger over you until you get answers. And that's just it... You won't get any answers until the day you get them all. Needless to say, you walk blindly through this journey. That doesn't set too well with me. I like situations to have security and structure. Control over what happens next, especially in my life, is something I have a hard time letting go. Knowing that I have pretty much no say in how the next year of my life will play out could drive me crazy if I let it.
Nevertheless, I wouldn't trade this part of my life for anything. My heart is full of love, hope, and anticipated promise for these babies. Whether they remain in my life forever, or play only a small role, I sure am grateful for every second I get to invest encouragement, support, and prayer into these little guys.
On days I have time to type out a few lines, you'll be getting all kinds of access to the days we have around here. Today, though, I can't get this one thing off my brain. So, the writer in me has to put it in a post.
As I've mentioned in earlier entries, I've grown a lot when it comes to trusting God to work things out for me. I still have a tendency to fret about uncomfortable situations, but with each one that comes my way, those worrisome moments become less frequent and much shorter-lived. These past couple of months I've honestly felt and noticed even more of a growth in this area. Our pastor preached some incredible timely messages on "Transferring Trust" and I gleaned so much knowledge and wisdom from him during that series. God didn't stop there, though. Just a week or so ago I put the oldest boy (I can't say names on social sites, so I will reference him as C1 and the baby I will call C2) in the highchair while I was preparing his food. After a mere 10 seconds of him sitting there without anything in front of him, he began to cry and become convinced he wasn't getting anything. I tried talking to him while heating up his food and pouring his drink, doing all I could to assure him food was close at hand. It did no good. Less than 2 minutes later everything was ready to go and I sat down to assist him eat. I looked at him and said, "Bubby, I will always feed you. Haven't you learned that yet? I'll always take care of you and you'll always get what you need." I chuckled a little and thought, Sheesh. After 10 weeks, you'd think he'd have learned to trust me a little more than that. And just like that, I felt God give me that look... You know... That look.
Then I started carrying on a conversation with myself inside my brain. I wonder how many times God says that about us? After being provided for every day of our lives, we panic when He doesn't set the plate down in front us the second we're in the highchair... You know what I mean. We get up at 6:30 am, say a prayer, and by 9:00 we're at work frazzled that the answer is still not visible to us yet. Time after time we witness Him taking care of us and getting us what we need, and we still cry and throw tantrums thinking He just forgot us over in the corner somewhere. I was able to view Him as a parent... as a Father... a little more clearly. Immediately my mind went to Matthew 7:7-11.
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then... know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him?"
Although the last two months of my life have been the most stressful, tiresome, and emotional (and yes, still very much enjoyed), I've had more peace than I can express. Each day I've reminded myself to just trust Him and enjoy the ride. He wants what's best for us, the boys, and their birth family. He will protect their future just as much as He'll shield our hearts.
He's a good, good Father.
I can't help but smile, because I know if I ever sense myself becoming impatient during a situation in my life, I'm going to immediately envision myself in a highchair watching God at the microwave. It'll only be a little while before He sets the plate down in front of me.
You can find this blog linked up to some other incredible sites: The Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Teaching What is Good, A Bowl Full of Lemons, A Peek into My Paradise, Rosilind Jukic, Proverbs 14 Verse 1, Women with Intention, Giving Up on Perfect, Ducks 'N a Row, I Choose Joy, A Handful of Everything, Busy Being Blessed, Essential Thing Devotions, and many more!